Author Topic: Duke attempts the Impossible  (Read 1351873 times)

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duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #60 on: January 08, 2009, 19:39:05 PM »
We were in the shop one day when John Nash came in and said he hadn"t seen D I Hogan for a few days (no one called him by his first name but he was a District Inspector so the D I stuck). So me Da called my mother out to the shop and we headed down to his house. He lived alone in a little shack in Coolreagh that was to say the least a little run down.

We drove up to the door and did a little recce around and the ould lad thought he saw D I in the bedroom (how he could see through the window I"ll never know).

"OK Ger break the front door down"
"Feck off Da you"d better call the Guards"
"OH FFS I suppose we"d better, but they are fecking useless you know"

No mobiles that time so we went to Nash"s house and called the guards. A while later Guard Daly arrived and looked at the house.

"Is he in there Michael"
"Of course he is you thick shiite" (My father didn"t really get on with the Guards)
"OK I will break in the front door, stand back"

He took a step or two back and ran at the door hitting it a good belt with his shoulder. He bounced off and measured his length on the path

"FFS" said the ould lad "Ger, the door"

Now I was a fit lad in those days and well, one well placed boot in the lock area and the door was open. Guard Daly (rubbing his tender shoulder) said officiously "I will go in first and secure the building"

Secure the building FFS it only had two rooms. Well 5 seconds later he was back out throwing his ring up on the path.

"Is he in there" the ould lad inquired inncoently, as he strolled in the door. A short while later he shouted "Ger in here NOW". I went in and D I was there in the bed alright and he wasn"t a pretty sight, he must have been there a good week or two. Anyway we wrapped him in the bed clothes and the ould lad drove back for a coffin. While we were waiting Guard Daly radioed in and got a Doctor to come out to confirm that D I was indeed deceased.

The doctor left after saying D I was indeed dead (he earned his money that day) and We were left to carry the body out of the house in the bed clothes (you couldn"t turn the coffin in the small hall) When we placed the body in the coffin some air was expelled and Guard Daly promptly fainted.

"Fecking Guards, good for feck all" said the ould lad as he left for the mortuary leaving me to revive Guard Daly.

Sensitive soul  my father.......




technolog

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #61 on: January 09, 2009, 13:05:56 PM »


He bounced off and measured his length on the path



;D



duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #62 on: January 09, 2009, 15:25:23 PM »

HaworthBantam

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #63 on: January 09, 2009, 16:39:29 PM »

Fantastic, Ger. I like the sound of your mam and dad - brings back memories of my own, like never take your ex-boxer Dad on even if you are twice his size....  :D

Swinebag

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #64 on: January 09, 2009, 17:05:34 PM »
This is a truly remarkable read....I"m feeling inspired
Quote from: Chipaccrual
Rob, you are a genius.
Quote from: jacklevel06
You are a genius Rob  :D

antthecat

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #65 on: January 09, 2009, 17:13:53 PM »
wow what a read, its brilliant
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duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #66 on: January 09, 2009, 18:26:19 PM »
« Last Edit: January 09, 2009, 18:30:51 PM by duke3016 »

technolog

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #67 on: January 10, 2009, 09:52:48 AM »
Best yet Ger!  ;D



MAIR

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #68 on: January 10, 2009, 10:31:17 AM »
Fantastic read Ger! :D
Mary Kivlin

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #69 on: January 10, 2009, 11:54:14 AM »

Laxie

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #70 on: January 10, 2009, 12:07:03 PM »
Quote
And I assure you NONE of these was my fault


LMAOOOOOOOO!!!  The Garda Station and the poor cow HAVE to be explained!

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #71 on: January 10, 2009, 12:41:27 PM »
Earlier on I touched on a regret about a certain Pauline Wade. Well Pauline lived in Loughrea, County Galway and I used to travel there fairly regularly. It was approx 55km but hey I was in lurve... Now to get there I used to drive from home through Scarriff, Whitegate, woodford and on into Loughrea.

Now Woodford has a right angled bend at the top of the main street and facing in the Loughrea direction on the apex of this bend was the Garda Station, so I faced it directly on the way back. Well , I was coming home late in the morning after a night of passion and feeling good. I must have lost concentration in my euphoria as I approached the bend in Woodford. (That"s my excuse and I am sticking to it)

Consequently I hit the Garda Station double doors head on and demolished them, pushing them inwards and ending up with the nose of my car nudging the desk. I was OK and as I gathered my thoughts the lights came on, and there behind the desk was Sergeant Nolan, resplendent in his tunic top and thermal long johns.

"Good Morning Flight Lieutenant" says he (dry sense of humour FFS)
"Morning Sergeant" Says I
"Oh it you Gerard, How's your Father" says he
"Fine" says I (beginning to feel a little surreal at this point)
"Let's get this car back into the street" says he

We pushed the car out into the street and it was surprisingly fairly OK except for the lights pointing at the ground. A few sharp cracks with the hammer and these were as good as they will ever be. Standing in the street surveying the damage with the two doors looking a little worse for wear.

"What happened ?" says he
"I hit the doors" says I
"obviously" says he
"I think it was a patch of black ice" says I
"In June ?" says he
"Strange weather we"re having" says I
"Aye" says he "How"s your Mother keeping ?"
"Grand" says I
"Fine woman, you must be breaking her heart" says he

"Anyway do you think you can get that thing home" says he
"Yes" says I
"Oh and you will pay for the door" says he
"Of course" says I
"Give my regards to your Father" says he
"Surely" says I
"On your way then" says he
"Bye" says I

I drove home and went to bed and when I got up in the morning I thought "Nah that didn't happen" I saw the car "yes it did", I got the bill about three days later for £100, cheap at half the price.

It would only happen in Ireland......... 

lukybugur

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #72 on: January 10, 2009, 13:35:39 PM »
Quote
And I assure you NONE of these was my fault


:) ??

« Last Edit: January 10, 2009, 13:37:12 PM by lukybugur »

MAIR

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #73 on: January 10, 2009, 13:51:54 PM »
OMG Ger this is just priceless...I am thoroughly enjoying your posts I have sat here and laughed so hard with tears in my eyes the kids and stan are wondering what is wrong with me, so much so, stan is firing up his laptop as I type.
Mary Kivlin

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #74 on: January 10, 2009, 14:04:37 PM »
Glad you like em Mary - sometimes I think its a little boring to listen to someones ramblings - but encouragement is much appeciated -- Now to recount the court case with Mikey Luke without leaving myself open to litigation