On the Monday after breakfast my Mother and me were just in the process of flipping for the ejector seat when the ould lad announced that today would be a day on the beach.
To be fair, it was a lovely day and although on the warmest of days the Atlantic was still cold, it would be nice to relax. We picked up some beach towels and a rug and I went to change into my swimming costume. I arrived out and they were still in civvies.
"You not going for a swim" says I
"Of course we are" says the ould lad
"Where's your cossy then" says I
"I'm not walking across the road undressed" says he
"They are under our street clothes" says my Ma
I didn't ask how they were going to change back after swimming on a public beach. Better left unsaid..
We crossed the road and down the steps to the beach, which was not really crowded and spread the rug. I deposited my towel and headed for the ocean. The water was bound to be freezing, but being the hard man (show off?) I just ran into the water and dived into the surf.
OMG it was fecking freezing and I thought my heart had stopped, but after the initial shock it was quite pleasant and the waves were high enough for a bit of body surfing. I was enjoying myself when I noticed a rather cute thing in a bikini testing the water with her toe.
I wandered over and gave her a bit of encouragement and she slowly dipped down eventually immersing herself in the water. We were getting on like a house on fire when I saw her staring at the beach with a look of amazement. I followed her line of sight.
FFS it was like a scene out of "Upstairs Downstairs" my mother had a one piece swimsuit on that was high in the collar and I swear it would not have looked out of place at a Victorian beach party. The ould lad has a costume on and, how can I describe it? Remember Kirk Douglas in "Spartacus" with the costume high up on the waist, well apart from the physique that was what the suit was like.
They made an absolute picture walking down arm in arm to the waters edge.
"Who are they" sniggered the wee girl
"My parents" I sighed
"Oh I am sorry" says she
"Not as sorry as I am" says I "Watch though, this should be good".
The ould lad unlinked from my mothers arm and strode into the water, and strode twice as quick out, trying to make his retreat look dignified and failing miserably. My mother walked up to about waist height.
"Come on Michael it's not that bad" says she
Not to be outdone the ould lad walked up beside her and she promptly pushed him hard in the chest so that he fell back with a splash. He got up spluttering and delivered the same to my mother.
The row started in earnest then with words and pushes galore. I went to separate them and as I did they stopped and were in hysterics splashing at each other like little children. I left them alone.
"Nice people, they seem to know how to enjoy themselves" says the wee girl
"Hmm, stick around, tonight could get lively" says I
"I'd love to" says she looking me straight in the eye
We had a great day at the beach and when we were leaving I made arrangements to meet the wee girl (Anne) in the local that night around 8pm. We were in the pub from around 7.30 and when 8 came there was no sign of the wee girl. I was beginning to think that this was the shortest holiday romance on record and the ould lad was rubbing in it a bit.
At 8.30 Anne walked in looking a bit flustered.
"Sorry I am late there is a little trouble at the farm and I can only stay for one" says she
"What's up?" says I
Well it transpired that her parents ran a donkey sanctuary just out of town and a couple of the animals were not well and she had only managed to get away for a wee while and had to go back.
"Ger will go back and help you tonight, he loves donkeys" says the ould lad
"Oh would you" says Anne
FFS as most of you may know my encounters with donkeys were disastrous to put it mildly and I shot a glare at the ould lad who was looking like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
What could I do, Anne was looking at me expectantly so ..
"Of course I will, I would love to" I lied
FML me and a dozen donkeys.. Great..
