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Duke attempts the Impossible
Des:
--- Quote from: Curlarge on October 28, 2016, 14:17:16 PM ---
congrats on your 400th page sir. My hat is tipped.
--- End quote ---
Very impressive feat Ger, and great to see you back sharing again.
duke3016:
I arose one fine Spring morning to a beautiful sunrise that streamed through my window. The shafts of light danced through the branches of the trees in the churchyard and I was at peace with the world.
“Ger, get your lazy arse down here NOW” boomed the ould lad
My peaceful reverie shattered I got dressed and slumped down the stairs.
“Yes Da” says I
“We have work to do” says he FML
“What work Da” says I
“I know you think Manual Labour is a Spanish musician but we have to clear the river” says he
“What river ?” says I dreading the answer
“The one at the back of the shop” says he
FML that river had a curse on me, I had fallen out of a tree into it, I had learned to swim in it (by being chucked into it) and the last time we had cleaned it was 3 years ago and then it was a ball breaking job. We had breakfast and wondered down the field to the river. The portion that was passing our land was nothing but a slow steady flow and I remember it being a whole lot faster and it hadn't been dry (this was Ireland FFS).
“It must be blocked further up” says he
“No Shiite” says I, nearly getting a cuff round the ear for my trouble.
“Off you go” says he FML
I descended into the river and started to trudge towards the low bridge and sure enough the river at the bridge was clogged with leaves and branches and looked a solid job. I clambered up the bank and looked at the other side. The whole of Paddy Gleesons field looked like a lake and the river on the other side was not discernable under the mass of water.
Why hadn't Paddy done something about the blockage as it was ruining his field, I thought. The ould lad had caught up.
“Why the feck hasn't Paddy sorted this” says he.
Sigh you can guess the next command.
“Clear the blockage NOW” says the ould lad.
FML, I climbed down into the river bed and began clearing the debris. Looking back I must have still been asleep as there I was in a river bed about 5 feet below the bank level clearing a blockage that had Lake Geneva behind it. I continued cursing under my breath as the ould lad lit his pipe and sat contented and serene on the bank. I had reached the edge of the brickwork when a particularly stubborn branch would not budge under my efforts.
“For Fecks Sake” said the ould lad clambering down to join me.
We pulled, it came dragging a power of leaves and debris behind, it kind of gave a popping sound and the contents of Lough Derg surged through the small gap under the bridge. I was sent flying arse over tit down the river bed. The ould lads hobnails passed through on their ways over me as we were dragged for about 20 metres until the initial surge abated.
The ould lad couldn't swim and was splashing around like a demented hippo. At this stage the water was only about 4 feet deep and the surge had gone, so I dragged him to his feet.
“It's not deep Da” says I
“I know that you eejit I was only trying to find me pipe” says he. Said pipe being clamped between his teeth as strong as any vice.
Well I just started to laugh and laugh and couldn't stop as he glowered at me and scrambled up the bank.
I paid for that over the next couple of weeks but it was well worth it.
Priceless
duke3016:
Every once in a while the way banks try to protect your security on line gives me a nice safe warm feeling. I get numerous emails from such nice people.
HSBC noticed someone trying to access my account and an incorrect password was entered three times so my on line account was being suspended until I entered my details again.
Barclay's politely told me I have one message waiting for me to access. Such a nice company!
Halifax plc are so in love with me that they need me to re enter my details as they had a computer glitch and need to reaffirm my profile.
Pity I don't bank with any of them, they sound very concerned about their customers.
duke3016:
Am I being naive in believing that the function of the newspapers and other outlets is to inform people about social, political, cultural, ethical and economic issues of the upcoming USA election, so that people can vote in an informed manner?
I thought that journalism was a profession rather than just a trade and therefore that journalists and their employers must not allow profit considerations to dominate, but must acknowledge an ethical duty to report the news accurately, soberly, and without bias.
Reading the muck in the news over the last couple of days, I have come to the conclusion that Santa Claus also exists and that the Big Green Giant is in charge of editorial coverage.
Good luck America in voting in the upcoming election, I feel it's a privilege and a right that should not be ignored. But who the feck will you vote for, they will all shaft you whatever you do.
I will be helping your economy from the 9th of November. Can't wait to see all your cheery faces.
duke3016:
Now this is my blog and as such I am now going to shamelessly plug a YouTube channel that has been set up by the Wee Man.
I would appreciate it if anyone reading this, pops over there and views a few of them. Now I don"t know if you have to sign on to YouTube in order to "like" them, I am not that tekky.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVzTENkHWuokv1LcnZlp2Kg
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