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Duke attempts the Impossible

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duke3016:
There is a little pub at the bottom of the hill in Scarriff, affectionately known as Jacko's. The owner was one Jimmy 'Jacko' Maloney. He was prone to sample his own wares a few times and was a man with a very dry sense of humour.

There is a harbour in Scarriff where the pleasure boats would moor. Scarriff is on Lough Derg, which is one of the larger lakes on the Shannon river. Anyway because Jacko's pub was the first one you saw as a tourist, strolling up the town  he got a fair bit of passing trade.

Now Jacko had a wooden leg, not your fancy prosthetic"s like today but a good old fashion straight wooden leg. He was also prone to losing this leg when on the lash, but that's another story. He used to sit out in the bar area while one of his children would tend the bar itself and would regale all and sundry with his tales of time gone by.

He was a pipe smoker and one day there were 4 German tourists in the bar besplendid in their bright yellow oilskins, listening to Jacko's tales of ancient hero's and hard men. He took a lump of tobacco out of his pocket and cut some off with a penknife to refill his pipe. All the time he was talking and talking and the Germans were trying to make out his stories and as such were really concentrating on him.

When he finished cutting the tobacco he stuck the knife through his pants into his wooden leg, all the time talking about how tough the men were in his day. Well the Germans, of course, didn't know he had a wooden leg and their mouth's were agape at the sight of the penknife sticking out of his leg. One of them had to rush to the toilet while the other three were in various stages of shock.

“Aye, hard men around here don't you know” says Jacko

Priceless times

duke3016:
It would seem that my adopted baseball team have gone 3-1 up. Now does that mean that Cleveland are going to win the series. The Indians are one win shy of the belt and title. By extension, the Cubs are only one loss away from seeing their championship drought extended to 108 years. Stated in other terms, the Indians need only win one of the next three games, while the Cubs must win three in a row.

Waiting for the 'football' style implosion. Hope not

duke3016:
We had a shop and post office with an attached bungalow and the first window to the left of the Post Office was my Parents bedroom. Now during this time we were having some arguments about my nocturnal activities with particular emphasis on the hours I was keeping. So, I actually moved to our other house opposite the church and stayed with Margaret Ryan who ran the post office. How Margaret fitted in to the whole history of is another story, but she had worked for my Great Aunt Molly for years and was part of the furniture.

Now one particular Saturday my Father informed me that he required my car in the morning.

"I need to get the papers tomorrow and my car is fecked" says he
"Sound" says I
"Drop the keys through the fly window" says he
"Sound" says I

Well on my way back at some hour of the morning I cut the engine a bit back from the shop and coasted quietly into the car park in front. Stopped, quietly opened the door, pushed the door shut with no noise at all. I approached the window and climbed on the sill and reached into the fly window to quietly place the keys on the inside.

Simple -- oh no it wasn't, I dropped the keys and they landed, with a noise that seemed loud enough to wake the dead, on the inside.

"What time do you call this" roared the ould lad

I got such a fright I slipped and put my foot through the lower window, fell back and landed on my arse on the ground. I picked myself up and was walking down the road muttering to myself when the lower window opened with a crash as the rest of the glass fell out and the ould lad was in full flow I can tell you. He surpassed himself in the expletive department and I actually stopped to listen, it was superb. He finally ran out of breath and silence ensued......

Sunday mornings were our busiest time directly after mass and I was in the shop helping out with a stony silence and turn to stone stares from the ould lad. I used to do Mrs Murphy"s shop for her working from her painstakingly written list when in a booming voice the ould lad started.

"What do you think of a son who breaks your bedroom window" says he
"ohh" says Mrs Murphy
"Aye, he put his foot through it last night" says he.

Cue shop full, all noise stopped, all eyes on me and ears on the ould lad.

"3 o"clock it was, came roaring into the front, jumped out of his car and kicked in the window" says he (economical with the truth a bit here Da eh !)

Chorus of ohs and ahs from the gathered womens institute.

"I have always done my best with that boy" says he

Chorus of aye"s - tut tut"s and evil stares at me

"No values these days, anyway Maam can I help you" says he to Mrs Maloney.

His public humiliation achieved he was back to normal...

Great days - great times - priceless

duke3016:
It being Halloween and me being a generous soul, I have got some sweets in.



I may have misjudged my standing in the communities children"s eyes. No knock on the door yet.

duke3016:
I have often extolled the virtues of our restaurant at work. It is heavily subsidised and does serve up fantastic fare.

This weeks menu - I had the Best end of lamb today

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