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Duke attempts the Impossible
duke3016:
duke3016:
In or around 1973 my Uncle Dex was still working in England and had decided that he would return home to the metropolis of Bodyke. In order to facilitate this he sent my cousin Carol over in advance so she could start school as she was 11 and it would be her first year in Secondary school.
She stayed with us for the best part of a year and slept upstairs in what was my Great Aunt Molly's room. Now there were stories about that room that would make you shiver if you happened to believe in that sort of thing.
It had an old fireplace that was no longer in use but when the wind picked up it would produce a noise down the chimney that was scary to say the least. So before she arrived the ould lad sent me up onto the roof to close off the chimney top whilst he blocked it from below.
“Can't be having the wee girl frightened” says he (Shock horror the ould lad was going soft)
“She'll be waking me up with her blubbering” (back to normal)
Anyway, I was along the hall fast asleep when I heard the most piercing scream, as if someone was being murdered. I shot out of bed and ran along the hall and burst open the door to the bedroom where Carol was staying. As I did a bat glided past me almost colliding with my head. I whipped round and it reached the end of the hall and disappeared down the stairs.
Carol was bolt upright in the bed with a look of abject fear on her face.
“What was that” she stammered
“A bat” says I “It's gone now”
I heard the ould lad bounding up the stairs and I turned half expecting him to be bearing the shotgun and I steeled myself for a dive to the floor. However all he had was a hurley and I relaxed.
“What the feck” says He
I explained and my mother arrived and calmed Carol down and said she would stay in the room with her that night. Myself and the ould lad went down stairs in order to find this animal and dispose of it. We could find no sign.
“You sure it was a bat” says he
“Aye” says I
“Were you drinking last night” says he
“It was a fecking bat” says I
“And her door was closed when you got to it” says he
“Aye” says I “and the windows were closed as well
“Did you secure the top of the chimney properly” says he
“Did you secure the bottom of it properly” retorted I
“Well how the feck did it get in” says he
“Well how the feck has it got out” says I “we can't find it”
We never did find it, or find out how it got in or out
duke3016:
We had a caravan by the side of the shop whilst we were building it and the house. When both these were finished the caravan was there for a while. My great friend Richie Maloney and a friend of his were out one night and of course we had a few too many so we thought that we would bunk down in the caravan that night.
We were over in Scarriff and got a late night chippie and headed back to Bodyke to retire for the night. Early in the morning I thought I heard a noise at the back of the shop and got up to investigate. Richie and his mate stirred and decided to lend a hand in case there was trouble.
I grabbed a hurley that was in the caravan and went outside followed by the other two brave souls. I looked around and saw they had decided to arm themselves, Richie's mate had a chicken leg from the night before and Richie had a spoon in his hand, they were still drunk
FFS I walked round the back and turned round the back of the shop, Richie's mate thought he saw someone and took off away from the shop into the field behind, Richie followed and they sprinted down the field shouting at the tops of their voices.
Their forward progress was interrupted by the stream at the foot of the field and they both fell in. FFS good job there was no-one trying to rob the place and I strolled down the field towards them.
“We've got the little fecker” says Richie
“ Aye” shouts his mate “Good and proper”
I reached the stream and there they were wrestling with one of P J Hogans bull calves in the stream as its mother watched bemused from the other bank..
Priceless days, good craic
duke3016:
--- Quote from: duke3016 on October 31, 2016, 17:53:18 PM ---
I have often extolled the virtues of our restaurant at work. It is heavily subsidised and does serve up fantastic fare.
This weeks menu - I had the Best end of lamb today
--- End quote ---
Chicken with Dahl sauce today, side of roasted vegetables and saute potatoes.
Fatcatstu:
--- Quote from: duke3016 on November 03, 2016, 13:00:19 PM ---
--- Quote from: duke3016 on October 31, 2016, 17:53:18 PM ---
I have often extolled the virtues of our restaurant at work. It is heavily subsidised and does serve up fantastic fare.
This weeks menu - I had the Best end of lamb today
--- End quote ---
Chicken with Dahl sauce today, side of roasted vegetables and saute potatoes.
--- End quote ---
Pork roll in a light fluffy pastry casing.
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