Poker Forum > Member Blogs
Duke attempts the Impossible
fandango:
Loving these stories mate..
Keep them coming please they are indeed "priceless"
duke3016:
--- Quote from: fandango on December 27, 2016, 16:55:41 PM ---
Loving these stories mate..
Keep them coming please they are indeed "priceless"
--- End quote ---
Cheers Carl - I enjoy re reading them ;D
duke3016:
I awoke one Saturday morning after a fairly good session and wandered into the kitchen in search of breakfast. My mother seemed in an exceptionally good mood and sat me down and got the pan out. A full breakfast and two mugs of tea later and I was ready to face the world.
I went out into the shop and the ould lad, in complete contrast to me mother, was in a particularly foul mood.
“Morning Da” says I jovially
“What time do you call this to be getting up you lazy fecker” he retorted
I retreated back into the kitchen.
“What's up with him” says I
“He's in pain” says me mother
“Lost a £1 did he” says I
“No, ya eejit, real pain, from his teeth” says she smiling broadly
Apart from the fact that my mother was enjoying his discomfort, the ould lad was proud of the fact that he had all his teeth and he looked after them.
“Why doesn't he go to the dentist” says I
“He won't go” says she nearly breaking down with mirth
“I'll talk to him” says I
“Good luck” says she
I went into the shop and walked up to the ould lad. I was determined to take the diplomatic route.
“Go to the dentist you fecking eejit” says I
“Feck off” says he
“I'll make the appointment and drive you” says I
“Feck off” says he
I went into the post office part of the shop and Margaret was behind the counter.
“Is he still in a foul mood” says she
“Aye” says I
I rang the dentist and he had an opening (no pun intended) in an hours time, I booked him in. I went into the kitchen and told my mother to come into the shop as I was taking the ould lad to the dentist.
“This I must see” says she.
“come on Da, I've got you an appointment with Mr Kelly” says I
“I'm not going near that fecking butcher” says he
“So you are afraid of the dentist” says I, taking another tack
“Feck off” says he (limited vocabulary when in pain me Da)
“come on, get in the car”
It was testament to the pain he was in that he did get up and went to my car. I drove to the dentist in the next town and dropped him outside. He went in and I just had to follow. I walked into the surgery and he was already gone into the room. I sat down and started to read those awful magazines that the have in all dentists surgeries.
A sound of a drill sounded.
“What the feck, take that fecking thing away from me John Kelly or I'll tear your fecking head off”.
The dulcet tones of the ould lad made their way out into the waiting room. The drill sounded again and there was muffled noises from within the room. Next thing the wee girl assistant ran out into the waiting room and shut the door behind her.
“Hi Mary, what's up” says I
“Your Father, that's what's up, God he has an awful tongue on him, Mr Kelly sent me out” says she.
The next thing that happened was the drill stopped, there was an almighty crash and then complete silence. We looked at each other and Mary made to go towards the door.
“Leave it a while” says I
She stopped and looked at me and nodded.
The door opened and the ould lad emerged.
“Take me home” says he
I looked in the door and there was John Kelly leaning up against the cabinets sweat streaming down his face with his drill still in his hand. He looked at me.
“A difficult man your father” says he.
“No Shiite” says I
Priceless
duke3016:
We were in Mike's one Friday evening holding the usual discussion about where to end the night. I really don't know why we bothered, because we always ended up in Vaughan's in Broadford. Anyway Pat Touhy came in late on and said that the forestry was on fire.
Now there was a large wood on what we call the mountain and it was owned by the Forestry Commission and provided good employment to a variety of Bodyke residents. Its demise would be a blow to quite a few people.
So we volunteered to a man to go up there and lend a hand. About 10 of us, in varying degrees of sobriety, piled into a couple of cars and headed up the mountain. When we arrived at the edge of the fire it had taken quite a hold and the fire brigade, well one tender from Scarriff anyway, was in attendance. Because of the lack of a water source for sustained dowsing, we were detailed to beat the living Shiite out of the edge of the fire in order to contain it.
This involved letting the original fire burn itself out. Simple you might think, however it was really hard work as the fire was pretty close and fecking hot. Because the underlying soil was peat based as soon as you beat out the flames they would spring up a couple of minutes later.
“FFS will the fecking fire ever go out” says Denis
“Seems perpetual” says I
“Perpet what” says Denis
“Never mind, keep beating” says I
“No, what did you say” says he
“Don't worry” says I
“You saying I'm thick” says he
“No just neurally challenged” says I
“That's alright then” says he, going back to his beating
27 hours we spent on that fecking mountain catching sleep now and again and beating the living Shiite out of the same patch of land over and over again. We were told that we had done a fine job and we could now go home. The forestry man was there and took our names saying that we would get the normal hourly rate for our efforts.
We headed down and as it was now midnight on Saturday we decided to have a couple of pints before retiring. There we were lined up against the bar smelling of smoke and sweat, but do you know what we were proud of ourselves and toasted one another. Well the couple of pints led to another couple and we all left at about 2am.
As we walked out of the bar door we looked up to the mountain whose fire we had beat. Feck me if the mountain didn't look back and say “You don't beat me that easy you scrawny, insignificant feckers” and a reddish glow could be seen.
FFS we all piled into Philip Hogan's car, because he didn't drink, and headed back up the mountain, where we stayed beating for another 12 hours. At the end of the stint we couldn't slap another patch of fire, we were knackered, but this time we had it beat.
I got a cheque in the post and for the life of me I can't remember the amount, but it wasn't a lot. However that weekend showed the good side of the community and as such was very fulfilling (apart from Denis trying to plant his brother when he hit him with a beater)
Good spirit, great people, priceless.
duke3016:
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version