Author Topic: Duke attempts the Impossible  (Read 902261 times)

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APAT

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #645 on: May 12, 2009, 19:48:03 PM »
Congrats on your Central win Ger and on hitting 10,000 views.  Obviously the punishment is getting your mug on the home page  :D

Laxie

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #646 on: May 12, 2009, 20:06:30 PM »
Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Good enough for ya Ger!   ;D

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #647 on: May 12, 2009, 20:20:42 PM »
You"re bluffing

Chipaccrual

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #648 on: May 12, 2009, 20:21:56 PM »

You"re bluffing


I very much doubt it.   ;D

APAT

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #649 on: May 12, 2009, 20:26:46 PM »

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #650 on: May 12, 2009, 20:36:18 PM »

You"re bluffing


Ah ok -- not my best side

Oil of Ulay required for the bags me thinks
« Last Edit: May 12, 2009, 20:38:26 PM by duke3016 »

Swinebag

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #651 on: May 12, 2009, 21:59:54 PM »
nice one Des. Keep the U18s away by frightening them to death
Quote from: Chipaccrual
Rob, you are a genius.
Quote from: jacklevel06
You are a genius Rob  :D

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #652 on: May 13, 2009, 17:50:04 PM »
Now Margaret Ryan was a simple soul, who practically never left the village her whole life. When asked she would shrug and say "why?". There was no answer to that.

She was slight of build, but boy, could she eat. Her meals were of the simple kind meat, veg and loads of potatoes. When she sat down to eat the sparks would fly off the cutlery and steam would rise from the plate as fork to mouth was at the speed of light.

If you mentioned curries or pasta she would look you in the eye.

"Don't eat that foreign rubbish" she would spit

We were visiting my mother one summer and Gabrielle announced that she would cook a family meal and we of course invited Margaret to join us. Gabrielle was in the kitchen preparing and we were all in the parlour having a chat and the conversation turned to Margaret's dislike of any sort of sauce or condiment other that the base salt & pepper.

"So, you don't like garlic" says Marie
"Hate it" says Margaret

Bugger, I excused myself and went to the Kitchen.

"Gabrielle, what's for dinner" says I
"Chicken breast parcels baked in the oven" says she
"In what" says I
"Homemade garlic butter, why?" says she
"No reason" says I

This should be good then. The dinner was served and the chicken was dripping in garlic you could smell it a mile away. Margaret lifted the knife and fork and proceeded to devour the dinner in her usual fashion.

We waited for the inevitable grimace and were surprised when it was not forthcoming.

"Lovely dinner maam" says she
"Thank you" says Gabrielle
"So Margaret, would you ever even try a bit of garlic" says I

Well Margaret's forehead was beginning to get the sheen of the garlic as she replied.

"Never, it ruins the food" says she
"Have you ever tried it" says I
"No, and I have no intention of it" says she

Before Marie or Ger could open their mouth's I gave them  a swift kick and a shake of the head, because they were laughing fit to bust and were about to spill the beans.

"Aye it's overrated" says I

"You fecking eejit Margaret, you've just eaten loads of it" says My Mother
"That wasn't Garlic, that was chicken" Margaret smugly replied

Gotta love her -- Priceless  

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #653 on: May 14, 2009, 17:35:37 PM »
When Margaret broke her hip the children found her on the floor in her part of the house, of course at the time we didn't know it was broke. I rang for the doctor and he was not at home but his wife said to bring Margaret up to Feakle as he would be home soon.

God love her she must have been in pain and she didn't complain. I drove up to Feakle and left Margaret in the car while I went in for the Doctor. The Doctor was waiting for me.

"She's in the car Doctor" says I
"Let's take a look then" says he

We went out to the car and he did a bit of prodding and summoned me back inside.

"She has broken her hip" says he
"Oh" says I
"Take her straight to the hospital" says he "Limerick would be better"
"Sound" says I
"That'll be £20" says he

No NHS in Ireland but I think Margaret had a medical card but that wasn't the point. I had driven a woman 6 miles with a broken hip on his wife's advice and I was now having to drive her 26 miles to Limerick general. However being the nice polite respecter of the Medical profession I said.

"You can go and feck yourself you money grabbing bar steward" and I left

The fecking cheek

More on Margaret in the hospital and various nursing homes later...

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #654 on: May 14, 2009, 18:39:22 PM »
Eurovision entry for Ireland in Tonights Semi Final

Well its a little better than Dustin the fecking Turkey  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqVohtaYLeA[/youtube]

Laxie

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #655 on: May 14, 2009, 19:07:24 PM »
What genius came up with the song title?   ::)  It"s so crap it"ll prolly go on to score mega points at the week-end.  Sigh.

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #656 on: May 15, 2009, 17:50:01 PM »
When I arrived at Limerick Hospital with Margaret, I pulled up in from of the main entrance and got out with the intention of getting some assistance.

"You can't park here" says a peaked hat jobsworth

I brushed past him replying something about his parentage and went inside.

"I'll have it towed" he roared after me

I went to the front desk and explained the situation and was told to bring her in.

"She's broken her hip" says I
"Bring her in to the triage nurse" says face ache
"She's broken her hip" was my dogged reply
"We'll take a look when you bring her in" says face ache
"What part of broken hip do you not understand" says I a little loudly

Anyway it was like getting a dog off a fecking bone as she was not giving in. So I grabbed one of those large wheely chair things and went back to the car.

"I'll have it towed" says Jobsworth
"Well, before you do give me a hand to take this woman with a broken hip out of the car"

He assisted me in gingerly moving Margaret from the car to the chair and I started to wheel her in.

"I'll still have it towed" he muttered

When we got inside and it was confirmed that she did indeed have a broken hip, they transferred her to a trolley in the corridor. I quickly said that I must move the car and ran outside.

"I'll have it towed"

Sigh, I got into the car and moved it to the main car park and walked back to the entrance.

"I would have had it towed" says misery guts

OMG, I resisted a retort and went inside. Margaret was still in the corridor. I knew they were busy so I didn't think too much into it. God bless her she was just lying there not complaining. After at least 4 hours of waiting, when lesser injuries seemed to take precedence because the patient was complaining long and hard, and asking politely about when she would be seen wasn't working , I decided direct action would have to be employed.

"Hang in there Margaret I will get a Doctor" says I
"Don't bother them" says she.bless (she came from the generation where Doctors and Priests were godlike figures)

I marched up to the nursing station and got extremely loud and extremely angry and would not budge until a Doctor was summoned. I was not for moving and they eventually caved in and a Doctor arrived.

They wheeled her off to x-ray and after the x-ray she was immediately placed on a ward. Now I know they are always busy but their priority seemed to be with those who shouted the longest and loudest. I just played the game.

They were not going to allow me onto the ward, but saw the error of their ways and condescended to let me stay for 30 minutes.

That was the start of a long and difficult journey for Margaret .. more later

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #657 on: May 15, 2009, 17:53:03 PM »
Oh and the Eurovision is fixed - that"s all

Laxie

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #658 on: May 15, 2009, 17:54:33 PM »

Oh and the Eurovision is fixed - that"s all


You can sing that!

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #659 on: May 15, 2009, 18:12:52 PM »
Anyway myself and the wee man are off to DTD tomorrow night for a blast at the £50. Bigfella and his nephew are there tonight and tomorrow. We can"t make tonight (well at least I can"t) but we are heading down after lunch tomorrow.

Should be good, will try and keep the brain moving and post about it over the weekend. Don"t hold your breath about the brain bit.