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Duke attempts the Impossible
duke3016:
We were in Mike Slattery's bar in Bodyke one summer's day and were having a lovely time. Of course the day ran into evening and into night and the doors were closed and the serious drinking started. It didn't last long, the door was rapped
“Guards on Duty, open up”
Well We really couldn't flee unless we wanted to get stung to death by the huge nettles at the back of Mikes, so we sat still whilst Mike opened the door. It was Sergeant Nolan and a new Guard whose name escapes me at the moment. They worked their way alone the bar..
“Name?”
“Address?”
“Any reason for being on these premises?”
They got a few sarcastic comments, but in the main people were resigned to their fate. The Sergeant got to me.
“Name, Gerard ?” FFS what a plank
“Gerard Smyth, Sergeant” says I
“Address ?” FFS you just interviewed me at the shop 50mtrs down the road yesterday.
“Bodyke, Sergeant” says I
“Any reason for being on these premises?”
“Just came in to borrow a pitchfork, Sergeant” says I
“No reason then”
“No reason, Sergeant” says I
He continued until he had all the names and we were herded out into the car park whilst Mike got a lecture and they left and Mike locked the door.
Now John Burke was totally out of his tree and was attempting to open the door of his car completely oblivious to the fact that the Guards were watching him. He was trying to guide the key into the lock (No fobs in those days) by placing his two fingers around the lock and carefully running the key along his fingers hoping that it would eventually engage and open the door for him.
The Sergeant tapped him on the shoulder, and John turned round and squinted at him.
“Is this your car John ?” says the Sergeant
“One more payment Sergeant” says John
Priceless
duke3016:
Now a little Geography lesson. County Clare is perched on the West Coast of Ireland with the Atlantic ocean pounding on the West. The serene River Shannon to the East and South and Galway Bay to the North.
It has the longest and shortest bridges in Ireland. Sixmilebridge and Inchbridge. It has the awesome beauty of the burren. And of course the best pubs and a story attached to each.
Durty Nellies. Perched on a bridge over the river Fergus between Shannon and Limerick it is famous for its tourism and a 12th Century Norman Castle (Bunratty Castle) where they hold medieval banquets to cater for all the Americans mad to find their “roots”. These Americans were usually attired in the prerequisite Aran Sweater and green trousers asking you if you knew their great grand pappy.
Case in point, one particularly loud American Gentleman was regaling me at the bar. He was buying FFS and it would have been rude to take my pint and run..
“I never knew you Irish were so practical” Boomed he
“Oh” sighed I
“Yes, I see you built that Castle right next to the highway” FFS eyes rolling at a man with little grasp of history.
“Anyway son what's the right way to drink this pint of Guinness” drawled he
Now I could have taken time to tell him that the body must be drank through the head with the arm at the right elevation and to try not to drink the head.
“All in one go” says I
“Go on Wilbur” extolled his wife
“Ok Wilma” he says
Fair play to him he manfully attempted to down the whole lot in one go and got about ¾ of the way down and replaced the glass on the counter with a deep sigh.
“10 9 8.” Started I in my head, I didn't reach 6 when he made an undignified rush to the toilet.
“Good” says I to Wilma
“What's good” said a worried Wilma
“Now he knows why we built our toilets so close to the bar” says I
Good days..
More geography later
duke3016:
O'Deas, now there was a pub and a half it is one of Ireland's oldest family run pubs (established in 1695; licensed in 1790), situated on the Ennis to Kilrush road in a place called Lissycasey. This is a truly traditional pub, complete with a warm open turf fire which has been kept burning for over 200 years.
O" Deas is also famous for the egg flip - a drink made from a secret recipe handed from generation to generation, it is the house speciality!
We pulled in there on the way back from a rugby match in Kilrush (Sunday evening) and left on Thursday. We had a tremendous time augmented by the continual playing of the fizz buzz drinking game (later alright). Anyway we got so flutered that no one could drive and we slept in the car. Started with a hair of the dog on Monday morning that turned into a full blown session. In those days you could get a round of drinks for three and two games of pool for a punt.
Monday Afternoon
“Will we be getting home” says Eamonn
“Aye Ok one more then” says we
“Ok, then we go”
“Aye”
Slept in car
Tuesday Morning
“Will we be getting home” says Eamonn
“Aye, OK we'll have one for the road” says we
“Ok, then we go”
“Aye”
Slept in car
Wednesday Morning
“Will we be getting home” says Eamonn
“Right let's go” says I
“Good we'll just have one for the road” says Eamonn
“Ok, then we go”
“Aye”
Slept in car
Thursday ran out of money went home
Priceless
duke3016:
duke3016:
Wrapped all the Christmas presents for under the tree this evening. You would not have to put them in chronological order of wrapping to definitely know which ones were last to be wrapped, patience was non existent at that stage.
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