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Duke attempts the Impossible
duke3016:
duke3016:
duke3016:
During my job with De Beers I was seconded to the head office in South Africa for 12 months. A couple of incidents I remember.
One incident has a particular relevance to the fact that if the Irish had a £1 for every bad Irish joke told we would be very rich.
I was in a bar in Pretoria after a particular boring training day. There is only so much Data General 4GL Shiite you can take. I was the only patron in the bar chatting to the Barmaid. Now when I was in South Africa most bars were men only but you had barmaids, you figure..
Anyway three rather large gentlemen walked into the bar and were talking amongst themselves and must have copped the accent. They then proceeded to tell very loud and very bad Irish jokes. Well if there is one trait we have as a nation that is the wonderful ability to laugh at ourselves. So I walked over and told them another Irish joke, and a better one I might add.
Well, they were gob smacked and didn't know where to place themselves so they did the only thing open to intelligent people. They asked me outside for a pasting.
Well one I might accommodate, two at a pinch, but three heavies no fecking way.
I graciously accepted the offer and led the way to the door. The door as with all good bar doors opened out and was inlaid with steel. As I passed through the threshold I held the door open for the three grinning apes and as the first one was within range I slammed the door in his face, heard a satisfying crunch and legged it up the road.
Me Ma didn't raise an eejit
I was involved in a minor traffic accident in Springs where the manufacturing plant was and the police were called. Now I was the aggrieved in that I was rammed from behind and the traffic police arrived and decided to charge the guy in the car that rammed me.
In order to arrest this gentleman they had to take a statement from me and call the SAP who had the power of arrest as the traffic guys didn't. WTF he had a sidearm, a uniform and a patrol car but couldn't officially arrest anyone.
“You can't arrest him” says I
“No, we have called the SAP” says he
“Then what would you do if he decided to run away” says I
“I would shoot him” says he “I can't arrest him but I can shoot him if he tries to leave the scene of an accident”
What a beautifully confused country.
duke3016:
duke3016:
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